I am out of words to say. My pen is poised in mid-air, with no angst or delighted surprise to push it to write. I am coasting in the calm waters of everyday, rocked only mostly by some fussy child or chores left undone. Sometimes, boredom sets in and that agitates my sails a bit. Then I wonder about the direction of my life, about the grand things that are perhaps passing me by.
I see my friends from a long time ago enjoying the fruits of long, dedicated work. I admire how much they have accomplished in their (legal) careers even with families to take care of. I admit to be sometimes dazzled by the glamour of their lives (at least as far as they beam through FB’s wall). Through them, I tour the world vicariously. I have seen so many countries and places from the pictures they posted while I feel lucky being able to walk in the nearby woods for some creative time. I learn about fashion through them while here I am, wearing a shirt I am not afraid to be stained by cooking grease or children’s dirty hands.
Just recently, a good friend and I chatted about our careers and the possibility of me regaining my lawyer-of-good-standing status in the Philippines. Thinking about our discussion, I revisited the reasons I am where I am. Thirteen years ago, I chose to leave my career and home behind for a chance at love and a family of my own. I got both and I have never been happier in my life.
There will always be days when I would rue my little existence. There will be days when I will look on the mirror and see nothing but an aging woman staring at me. Those days will be difficult. But then, I can take refuge in my husband’s consoling arms, and I could always hold my baby’s little hands and marvel at the beauty and miracles in my hand. Then I lift my misty eyes to God and bless Him for the ordinary days that look like mine.