THE SEARCH

He ran, wild-eyed
through the debris–laden ground
calling out his mother’s name
drowned in the wailing
of the grieving crowd
He overturned a rusty roof
peeked under a fallen log
hoping against hope
that he will find
an empty spot.

~~~~
This is a revised version of a piece that I wrote for Day 14 of the November PAD Chapbook Challenge – Exploration.

The original version is as follows:

THE SEARCH

He ran, wild-eyed
through the debris–laden ground
calling out a name
drowned in the wailing
of the grieving crowd
He overturned a rusty roof
peeked under a fallen log
each empty spot
gave him hope
his mother was alive.

After I posted the original piece, I thought that revising it as written above would make the piece tighter and highlight more the desperation and hope at the same time.  What do you think is the better version?

Thanks for coming by. 🙂

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9 comments

  1. I knew what the first one meant …and of course the latest tragedy in Philippines came to mind….. the second one didn’t leave the reader to guess… but I think I like the first one better…Diane

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