You were once so pure
innocence lit your eyes
when you smiled
my soul sang praises
how blessed a mother was I.
You filled my arms with sweetness
I nurtured you with love
my heart was your shelter
for your sorrows, your salve.
We were happy together
then you came to your own one day
how crushed was I to see
that you have lost your way.
Your life nourished with sweetness
now spews nothing but vile
your once beautiful soul
had become distorted by guile.
Where did I go wrong, little one
I wish I can turn back the time
correct all of my mistakes
and save you from this evil clime.
Today, I, with the rest of the country and the world, mourn the tragedy in Connecticut. It was a horrific and senseless act. When I learned the news, I looked at my children, thanked God that they are safe, and imagined myself in the place of the parents of the children involved in this tragedy. I could not. Just thinking about the evil thing pained me so much. So, I could not imagine the magnitude of grief and sorrow of the Sandy Hook parents and community. I can only pray for their consolation and in my humble way, join them in their grief. May God console them in this trying time.
I wanted to write something to remember those who died. But my mind, smarting from news of another young person who went on a shooting rampage in a mall in Oregon, focused on the mother of the persons who caused the tragedies. It may be that as a mother, my one great fear, is for my children to become evil and to cause misery. I remember so well the oft admonition of my father ‘better to be owed than to owe’. That was the closest translation I could have from the Tagalog idiom. To him, it was better that we, his children, suffered the pain than to have caused the pain. It may not sit well with today’s generation of parents and children, but I think it is still good advice.
How much pain does a mother of the killer bear? I could not fathom that either. But my heart also goes out to her.